Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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