dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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