2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They have beer where we have blood.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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