When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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