I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
