even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
