so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
