yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
