I'm so fucking centered right now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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