yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
