I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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