If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
