I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
