And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
