He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
