Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
