Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
