i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
