So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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