Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Two words: nipple clamps
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