I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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