The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize