I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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