I wannas sexs uuuuu
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have post one night stand depression
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