you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
