so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
