he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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