Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The ass gains better be worth it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
