So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
