My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
