I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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