would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
