i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
