the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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