So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
