Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
