So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
