Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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