I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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