So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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