the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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