why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
