is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
