I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
