Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she woke up with a sticky ear
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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