and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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