I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
