Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
