Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
