Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
