im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
