I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
