He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
