So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
