A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
