mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
