Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
