She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
