just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is Oprah even human
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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