discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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