ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
