Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
