Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
