He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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