What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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