i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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