You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
