Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
