My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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