I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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