I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
