I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
