Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize