There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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