That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
