honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
